11 Ways to Find and Make Friends as an Adult
11 Ways to Find and Make Friends as an Adult
Love, belonging, meaningful connections: these are all needs that have a direct affect on our wellbeing.
We can laugh about it, or say we are very independent, but even the most independent of humans needs connections.
We are a social beings. We crave, desire, and thrive with deeper connections. So your attempts to connect with a friend or find that fulfilling relationship are actually in your biological hardwiring. Relationships help us survive, and having friends can improve our well being, literally.
The quality of a person's friendships can make or break their life, adding to feelings of happiness, and providing health benefits, too.
But as an adult, these types of meaningful friendships are harder to find. Making adult friendships later in life isn't as simple as walking up to another person on the playground, or starting a conversation with someone in your chemistry class.
Adding to the complexity of adult connection, we have to acknowledge that some friend groups are often already established, and connections from childhood are often prioritized above connections made as an adult.
Learning how to make friends as an adult is an acquired skill, for sure. It takes a little bit more effort than childhood friendships.
But the effort it takes to show up consistently when we have competing priorities is totally worth it.
We've created a therapist-approved list of some ways you can start getting out there and making friends.
Why Close Friends Matter in Adulthood
Research shows that once a person reaches 62, most relationships begin to fade. Some of these things have been linked to changing of jobs, marrying, or having kids.
The process of establishing meaningful relationships can become more difficult as you grow older. But, if we can figure out the art of making friends sooner, it could seriously benefit our well being.
Listen, Seek Similarity, and Celebrate
Clicking with other people is less about yourself and much more about their focus.
Listening, observing similarities, and celebrating them helps us truly connect with those around us.
Studies show being likable isn't about having more clout, wealth, or "coolness." Being likable has more to do with taking interest in another and actively listening to what they have to say.
The mountain of research shows that having things in common with your friends is crucial. So, if someone mentions something and you you have it in common with them, make sure to highlight it.
Finally, enjoy the positives. When talking about things that happen to someone, be positive.
How to make friends as adults
When trying to make friends in any scenario or environment, being open is key—open to making new friendships at any moment. As well as openness, be okay with not every meeting turn into everlasting friendship. Not all of them will be deep and meaningful. Each connection will serve the role its meant to serve in your life. Be open to that and listen to the subtle clues.
Making friends as an adult isn't easy, even while embodying openness.
While the steps may seem simple, simple doesn’t mean easy. Opening up and being vulnerable with others can present its own challenges. Be open to trying, and trying again. There’s no failure, just learning.
Here are 11 ways to make new friends and thrive later in your life:
More friends isn't always the answer
Making more friends isn't really what will positively affect your well being. The power of friendship lies in the quality of the connection. Quality connections typically lead to a more meaningful connection between friends. It's better to have a handful of good friends that you can rely on instead of 50 friends you can't trust or rely on when life goes south.
Have the Right Mindset to Make New Friendships
Making a friend is a journey of growth.
To make new friends, you have to be open to the messy and beautiful art of being vulnerable. Vulnerability will be messy; that’s how it works. It is essential to grow in your own way and be true to who you are. I believe new, good friends will help you grow and challenge you in new ways. Remember, we don’t have to be completely vulnerable all at once. The science to vulnerability is to have layers of trust in between. For example, the person you are talking to exhibits an action of trust, then you share a little bit more. Then another layer of trust followed by another layer of vulnerability. You don’t have to spill all your secrets to just anyone. You want to make sure it’s a person you can trust.
Make a List of Potential Friends
Almost everyone has someone they want to learn about. Make lists of people you meet or want to meet. Remember that establishing friendships requires work and somebody must take the sometimes scary initiative of reaching out. Once you have made the list, consider inviting people over and see what happens next.
Start volunteering
We find friends that share similar values and interests by doing things we love. Life Coach Alexandra Jacquet suggests rolling up the sleeves and volunteering for a charity or organization you enjoy. When you do things you value and love, it's more likely you will meet people who value and love those things too. That's a great common interest to launch a friendship from.
Get curious and be willing to try new things
Finding a new friend can also be about trying something new.
Trying something new feels intimidating, but in a room full of beginners, there is a solidarity, a connection. Not only do you have a common interest (the desire to try something new), you share a common experience.
Sign up for a beginning dance class or beginning knitting class. Find something you think you would enjoy and find where beginners go to start learning that skill. Once you make connections, showing up to your hobbies regularly will help you to maintain friendships, too.
Be vulnerable, Be you
People assume they will make friends by just showing up and blending it, but making good friendships actually forces us to lean into our authentic selves.
It's human nature to want to belong, and people tend to change things about themselves to make friends as an adult. But the most authentic friendships happen when we can be who we truly are. That's where we find true belonging and connection. That's where the magic happens.
For me, my best friends know my difficulties. They've seen me exactly as I am in both good times and bad.
They have seen all of me, and those were the friends who were always around me during my worst moments. Friends that I make being complete myself (without feeling like I need to change myself) are friends that have a good understanding of my passions, my dreams, and my objectives.
It's hard to form new relationships without being vulnerable and completely sharing who you are.
This is often a reason why online connections aren't as strong friendships. In online connections, you can show only the parts of yourself that you like. When you meet someone in person, they see all of you and therefore the relationship is more vulnerable and intimate. The friends you meet in-person, and share your vulnerabilities with, are your true friends.
Leverage your current social network for introductions
When you start over in a new city, it's common to know only one person, or even no one.
But if you do a search on Facebook for the city you are in, you will find that you have friend's that know people in. your city.
Leveraging your network is a great way to find people who you could potentially be friends with in your area. Chances are, someone is in your position.
Join a Gym or Sports Team
Sports teams aren't built in anymore, but that doesn't have to keep you from making new friends.
Check out the local teams in your neighborhood that you can join. Teams are a great way to show up regularly and work with others. Two characteristics that often lend themselves to making good friends.
Make an effort to attend fitness clubs, too. You can even find out if departments in your office have sports teams that interest you.
Next time you go to Zumba, walk the treadmill, hiking group, or a yoga class, have an informal chat with someone beside you. When you start small conversations with people on your team or in your class, it can be as small as "What did she say?" or "I like your shoes." When you take this action, you begin to create things in common with your fellow classmates and it could be the beginning of an important friendship.
Attend a Meet-Up or Networking Event
Stepping outside of your comfort zone when it comes to your social life is a good idea to start making new friends.
When you look at how you spend your time when you are out of the office and are realizing you aren't making friends, it could be because you aren't putting yourself out there enough.
Try meet ups and networking events. They are great ways of meeting new people.
These events are typically packed with people seeking to connect with other professionals and is also an excellent opportunity to meet other people sharing similar passions. This type of get-together can be found on apps like Meetup or Eventbrite.
Use the web to join new groups
Five thousand friends on Facebook are not comparable with an in-person companion.
But social networks offer opportunities for reviving old friendships.
Join a book club or visit the library
Joining a group of likeminded people makes chatting and sharing books or authors more fun. Check the internet or local library to see what is advertised.
Finding adult friendships isn't easy
As adults, we struggle to find free time, but the bottom line is that the quality of relationships in our lives affects our well being.
People often assume adult friendships are awkward or uncomfortable to make. But in reality, they just take a little time, effort, and consistency. Show up to your favorite hobby regularly. Ask the person next to you a question.
Relationships don't take a big action, like asking a stranger to coffee. Friendships develop from the small actions: showing up, introducing yourself, finding similarities, intentional, active listening to what others have to say.
The little actions make big magic happen.