How to find balance in your life in the middle of chaos

I’m a mom of four, I own my own business, and I just got my graduate degree in counseling.

I’m also trying to manage school schedules with the occasional class quarantine, the whirlwind of dropping off my children at four different schools, the tension of having one child home occasionally with a maybe-covid cough, and the aftermath of freezing temperatures in Houston (aka my pipes are still messy).

Cue the madness.

Want me to tell you my trick? How I balance it all?

I don’t believe in balance.

Quite honestly, I never feel like I have it “all together.” But what is “having it all together” other than our perception of other people’s lives?

As I write this, I’m in mid-thought. BRB. My child is yelling and it’s time for me to take them to practice.

The reason why there is so much magic in the phrase, “I don’t believe in balance,” is because it creates space for me to have compassion for myself. Rather than trying to compare myself to some unachievable standard, I know that I am doing the best I can in every single moment. There is no such thing as balance—some days I do more of x and less of y. Striving for balance actually creates more stress in my life.

I’m not a celeb who has five people to manage my house and my kids. (That’s how they make it look so easy by the way.)

Being a mother, business owner, spouse, and therapist has its phases. There will be times when I need to prioritize one aspect of my life over the other, and when I do that, there is no balance. I mean, there never is balance, but I know the reason why I need to focus more on that area of my life in that moment. And knowing my “why” is critical.

I know that soon I will need, and want, to prioritize a different aspect of my life. So in turn, each part of myself and my life is nurtured. Speaking of nurtured, I’m eating a Cliff bar as I drive to drop off my kids at their next practice. It’s okay to have “those days.”

Here’s the thing, you don’t have to have everything together. Life is hard. You don’t need to be toting a green smoothie while you finish your yoga practice driving slowly home to wake up your kids (who will wake up perfectly without any screaming or rebellion). Some days you will be able to get a walk or workout in. Some days you will be able to cook the ingenious recipe you found. And other days you won’t. And that’s okay. Actually it is more than okay. Noticing you won’t always have the energy to hit a home run in every area of your life is okay. And also, not being okay is okay. It is okay to feel like you can’t handle it all. It is okay, actually encouraged, to ask for help and support.

You know all those people who you think have their lives together? I’d go so far as to ask you why you think their lives are put together? What do you perceive they have that you don’t?

When we can get clear on why we want to hold ourselves to unrealistic standards, we can start to see the magic curtain drop away.

There is no Wizard of Oz or magic formula here. We are doing the best we can with what we have, and sometimes that’s enough. My friend, it’s actually more than enough.