How to truly forgive & Why Forgiveness is for all of us
Who Forgives?
When people feel hurt, they can hold back, be angry, and resentful.
Maybe your parents always criticised you when you were young. A colleague ruined a project. Your spouse had an affair. You might have experienced trauma from someone close to yourself. A wound may leave long lasting emotions such as resentment and anger. However if you keep going through this pain you may be the one paying most. If we accept forgiveness, we will find greater peace and hope individually—here's how.
The History of Forgiveness
Forgiveness isn't a new phenomenon.
It dates back thousands and thousands of years. The famous philosopher Nietzsche wrote about it, and you can see it sprinkled throughout history, dating all the way back to the Greeks.
The Greek established a strong sense of justice and law in their cities, and while they didn't directly call it forgiveness, they practiced a system of checks and balances, mostly along the lines of granting pardon to someone's remaining debt whether that debt was emotional, physical, or property related.
Even though forgiveness isn't a new phenomenon, it can still be something so abstract that we start wondering, "What's the point of forgiveness?"
What is Forgiveness, exactly?
According to Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, "Forgiveness has typically been regarded as a personal response to having been injured or wronged, or as a condition one seeks or hopes is bestowed upon one for having wronged someone else."
Forgiveness has a lot to do with what we personally feel is right or wrong; when we feel we've done something wrong, by acknowledging it and asking another for forgiveness, it can grant relief, emotionally and psychologically.
Forgiveness brings, at times, positive feelings for both the person who forgives and the seeking forgiveness.
Because as humans, we are bound to mess up—say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing— forgiveness offers us a new path forward when we have messed up.
And forgiveness gives us the ability to try again, to start over, to grant pardon to ourselves and others. Most importantly, forgiveness is something we do for ourselves. While it can provide relief to another person, the relief it provides for ourselves is sometimes something worth noticing.
Why Practice It?
Sometimes forgivers are seen as kind, generous, or compassionate for forgiving someone who has wronged them.
Obviously this is true, it takes vision and compassion to see how someone has wronged us and accept them anyways.
Studies of recent decades have also revealed enormous benefits—both for the person forgiving and the person being forgiven. This analysis found that forgiveness is incredibly helpful in our relationships. It helps us stop feeling anger and resentment. Often the emotion of resentment is talked about as drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Forgiveness provides us relief from this self destructive emotion.
So, in short, practicing forgiveness can benefit your health—mentally and physically. On a greater level, forgiveness allows us to move forward. Humans are social animals and we are programmed to coexist and work together in teams. Forgiveness provides us the notion that messing up doesn't cause us to be exiled from our clans, but instead, our relationships are repaired.
What are the exact benefits of forgiving someone?
Letting go of grudges and bitterness could improve mental and physical wellbeing and happiness:
Healthier relationships.
Improved mental health.
Less anxiety, stress and hostility.
Fewer symptoms of depression.
Lower blood pressure.
A stronger immune system.
Improved heart health.
Improved self-esteem.
Forgiveness is therefore not just for others—it's for you.