5 Questions to help you recenter your life: Achieving more isn't the answer to fulfillment
Mary Oliver asked the world, "What do you plan to do with your one precious and wild life?"
And she didn’t intend to fuel hustle culture with her words. We have to remember that Mary Oliver chose to stroll idly through fields observing them. Having more in our life equates to it being busy and full, but it doesn’t necessarily equate to it being ful-filled.
Here are five questions to ask ourselves when we find ourselves saying “yes” to everyone and everything and feel like we’ve lost ourselves:
What do you value right now? Do you value having a good time, do you value order? Look to the people and activities in your life to learn what you value. Do you get angry if someone is late, signaling that you value time? Do you value spending time with your family or partner? Do you feel fulfilled when you clean your house? Get specific about what you value in life and list them: order, timeliness, genuineness, connection, fun —for example. Make your own list.
How are those values manifesting in your life right now? Now, take your list that you made in question one and analyze how each value is manifesting in your life. For example, if you value fun, maybe you prioritize going out with your friends once a week. If you aren’t currently doing anything that you consider fun in your life, circle that value. We will come back to it.
What are 3 ways you can implement some of your values that currently don’t exist in your day to day life? If you circled any values or had a hard time coming up with ways you are currently fulfilling a value, list out those values on the other side of your paper. Consider ways you can bring those values into your life. Do you want to finally attend that dance class you had your eye on. Do you want to go to the wine and paint night alone? Think of ways you can start bringing those values into your life and commit to them.
What are you currently doing in your life (clubs, friends, activities) that don’t embody any of your values? Why don’t they embody your values? So, not everything in our lives is going to be a “f*ck yes.” Despite what influencers on social media say, the thing about following an emotion is that it is fickle. Real, active self care is often things we dread doing, like taxes or budgeting. But those are the things that set us up for ease in our life. All of this to say, there will be a lot of things that don’t embody the values that are important to us, like doing the dishes perhaps. The key is to identify the things in your life that are optional. For example, going to bingo night on Thursday night because an aquaintnace invites you is not really how you want to be spending your time. It doesn’t embody any of your current values of depth and connection. So that would fall onto this list. Keep combing through your life until you are clear what you do consistently that doesn’t embody your values and how you want to feel each day.
To add more of your values into your life, what do you have to say “no” to? Based off of the last question, what do you need to start saying no to in your life? If you had many activities or parts of your life that don’t embody a value AND are not a necessary activity to take care of yourself, then consider that it is something you need to say “no” to.
Act on your list. Start making small and necessary changes to that you feel aligned with the life you are living. Say not to the things that don’t fill you up and say yes to what you want to continue to incorporate. By saying no, you make room for you to say yes for the things that matter to you. There is always a “yes” on the other side of a “no.”
This activity can help you clear out the clutter from your life and get clear on what you are a “yes” for and what is simply a “no.” This isn’t a one and done activity. It is best to revisit this monthly, quarterly, or yearly, whichever works better for you. A life that is aligned with what you stand for is a life worth living. Consider this spring cleaning for your life.
Happy decluttering!