Let's talk about conditional love: How you are showing yourself and others conditional love

“I will love you if...”

Let’s talk about conditional love.

Conditional love can be present in any relationship when love is perceived as something you earn or lose when faced with disapproval or disappointment from a loved one.

On the healthy end, conditional love reminds us we can’t treat others terribly and expect them to stay. On the unhealthy side, conditional love can be a tool used to control.

I will love you when…you act a certain way, achieve something, believe the same as me, look a certain way, be something...

Many people are unaware that they know what conditional love feels like...

It can be implicit through facial expressions, distance, and tones.

It can also be explicit through stating you will only be loved if...

Sometimes this conditionality can be considered normal in our relationship. We are used to being rejected or given approval if we act a certain way.

And here's the thing, when we this is prevalent in relationships, that means we also use conditionality in the relationship we have with ourselves.

We all have moments of “If I was, or If this happened...then I would feel/be...” These are conditions or expectations we place on ourselves that we use to justify how lovable or unlovable we are.

Where are you being conditional in love and how is it serving you?

Connect with Abby Van Egdom, our relationship therapist, to discover more about the love you deserve in this life.