What it means when we become defensive

“No, I did that because I thought it would be best.”

“I’m not working today because I have this event I have to attend; I’m not slacking.”

“I’m not going to the event because I don’t feel good.”

Defensiveness rears its head when we feel like we need to defend or justify our words or actions. People, places, or events can trigger it.

When we get defensive, we are typically trying to protect ourselves from feeling a painful emotion. Defensiveness is a secondary emotion and reaction, and it’s a sign.

The root of being defensive lies underneath the reaction. Defensiveness tells us there is another emotion underneath our reaction that we aren’t acknowledging, and perhaps we are purposefully trying to avoid. Being defensive is like putting a shield up, prohibiting us from communicating or acknowledging the deeper emotion at play.

When you find yourself getting defensive, ask yourself these questions:

What am I trying to protect?

What do I feel underneath the defensiveness?

What was the subject that made me feel inclined to defend myself?

Was the person I was talking to intentionally trying to hurt me?

Why did I feel like I needed to defend myself?

Once you ask yourself these questions, you can start to get to the root of why you were defensive. With awareness, you can then choose a path of action.