How to show up boldly and create the life you love

Be a YES! What? Huh? How can you be a yes? We are humans, right? Not yeses and nos?

The first time I heard this phrase, I was instantly skeptical. I was more of a “No” in life than a “YES.” I was more closed than open, more pessimistic than optimistic.

However, throughout my yoga teacher training at BIG Power Yoga, I was told to be a YES. I was also told the answer to how is YES! This took me a second to wrap my head around. How is YES? Huh? If I don’t know how to tie my shoe, I just say “yes?” What?

A friend of mine gave a great example shortly after the teachers revealed this mystical thought process, and it reaffirmed how silly I thought this thinking was: if someone asked him how to use the fax machine, and he responded with “YES!” Can you imagine what his coworker would say? HA! My guess is he would get a lot of quizzical looks and potentially annoyed coworkers. And maybe a few would actually get it, maybe.

I grew up in a pretty traditional household with a stay-at-home mom and a full-time, hard-working dad. Don’t get me wrong, my momma worked hard, too. Her paycheck just came in the form of lots of love and the flexibility to cart us around everywhere we needed to go. One of her very important roles was sandwich-maker. I can’t tell you why, but sandwiches made by my mom still taste better than the ones I make myself. It must be all the extra love crammed in there. Anywho, all this to say that my dad, when asked if he wanted a ham or turkey sandwich, would say YES! Not “Both,” or “Hmm…I’m not sure.” Just a plain and simple and immediate, “YES.” And so it was…a ham, turkey, and cheese sandwich. By being a yes for a ham and turkey sandwich, he was a no for a ham or turkey-only sandwich. However, he didn’t put his focus on which he didn’t want, didn’t believe, or didn’t stand for. He put it on what he wanted by saying “yes.”

Sometimes we walk around assuming we can’t have it all. We believe we can’t be satisfied, we can’t ask for what we want, and we have to deprive ourselves in some ways to succeed. In reality, we can choose to be a YES for the things we value and prioritize in our lives, including having ham AND turkey on our sandwiches, if that’s what we want to be a YES for.

A few years ago, Jessica asked when I would be ready to leave my job at a non-profit to join her in private practice. At the time, I said “yes” to financial stability and certainty and stayed at my non-profit job for two more years, instead of going into private practice. That means I had to say no, aka not right now in this case, to private practice. What I stood for was the opposite of what private practice was.

Sometimes being a “yes” means saying “no.” Sometimes being a yes for my marriage means being a no for other social opportunities. Sometimes being a yes for my business with Jessica means being a no for other cool opportunities that may come along. Sometimes being a yes for loving my life and carving out time for personal connections and self-care means saying NO to seeing clients on Saturdays, as much as people ask and ask and hope for a YES.

When I find myself saying NO, being a NO, I know it’s time to take a look at what’s going on with me, not because saying no is bad. I just need to zoom in and see what I am being a yes for when I say no. If I don’t know the answer, I need to reflect on it and get clear. Being yes is about understanding the intentionality behind our answers. It is about creating our life the way we want it to be, rather than automatically saying yes and no to people and not understanding why. So I choose YES, even when I’m saying no.

If you say no, what are you being a yes for? What are you striving for? What are you committed to? In writing this little post, I started to take an inventory of things I know I am a YES for at this moment in my life:

Snuggling my puppy

Growing my business

Starting a family

Empowering young women

Practicing yoga and taking care of my physical health

Maintaining a loving connection with my husband

Loving my job

Being of service to others

Loving my life

Incorporating FUN into my life

When we are a yes for something, we are a no for another way of life. What are you already a YES for and what is that “yes” supporting in your life? Being a yes is about being intentional, and it is about knowing what you want out of life. When you are clear on that, you can create a life you love, and well, you can be a yes!